I am back from my lengthy vacay and ready to blog again. While I checked out from the blog world, my life went to hell in a hand basket and raising children turned increasingly mind numbing as it was gratifying.
First, I started this blog to prepare and survive turning 30. I am now way into 31 and have survived thus far.
In the way of fresh starts, I want to become a better person to include mother, spouse, and friend. I also as you know need to work on loving myself and my body in order to remain my husband's wife and children's mother.
I decided to freshen the look with some blue ( not my favorite shade, but it sure is fresh?)
I am not changing the name because I remain true to my original inspiration. The old about me definition did have to go, though.
Here is my new definition of myself.
By day, I am a Licensed Certified Social Worker (LCSW) that provide groups and private therapy to the mass surrounding the Ruleville, MS area. By night, I pose as a fearless leader that is able to educate, steer, motivate, and rescue at moments notice to a spouse, 3 young ins, and a pesky mutt. These roles often leave me confused, hopeless, helpless, inspired, and constantly fearful. I blog to better record and process my life because time flies when your holding on tight and begging for mercy!
What do you think? Do you ever feel like it is time to ramp up life and begin again?
Recently, the family vacation on the coast has been a hot group topic.
I longed to escape from the the reality of G'wood
and relax on the warm beaches of 'Bama.
Unfortunately, The Hubie and I started one of many lets face the dislikes and concerns
that avoidance has been the prescription for at home.
Yea, This married couple broke out the boxing gloves for World War 2011!
That is right guys. The Hubie and I fight. Not often but with passion and with vengeance.
Always have.
We fight to release frustration, insecurities, resentment, and self pity.
We fight with anger, frustration, fear, worry, and hope.
We started this fight club from the moment we hit the condo. We felt heartbreak, love, and exhaustion and we survived.
I don't know how the argument started or what the fight was about.
The highlight was when we had made up then started back at it in the parking garage of the condo. I was standing up and finger pointing like a sick scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
When another couple walked up and said to Hank, "I see your wrong again (laughing)". Embarrassed, I hid quickly to listen as they explained to Hank that they had been married for 35 yrs. This couple told him that the fights would decrease in intensity over the years but hopefully the the communication and passion would remain. They walked off holding hands and providing hope that one day we will be too old for this shit. Hank and I decide to make up!
In honor of this horrible story. I will share three brief previous fight stories that trigger laughter to us now. The Hubie can be a real asshole sometimes but his stories are his to tell.
These are me showing my ass!
1. When we were dating and out in downtown G'ville we got in a fight while walking to the car that
happened to be parked in front of the police station ( Tequila was involved). I was refusing to drive and yelling. Hank said to stop because the cops would accuse him of attacking me. I then yelled because I thought this was stupid..... Knock, Knock on the window. "ma'am, is this man hurting you?"... "oh, no"...."Sir, I think you are and want to take you in right now".... "oh, no officer he was not (embarrassed)"... "I have my eyes on you buddy"... REALLY, REALLY!
2. We were fighting in my bedroom at my mom's house about the fears related to having a baby and if when could do it. As I bounce up and down on the bed (of course yelling with my hands).... The bed broke and fell dramatically to the floor in which my mother runs up stairs and probably thought we were making whoopee or something! Yea, don't you wish I was your catch!
3. As a very pregnant girl, I finally stopped waiting tables to stay at home, study, and prepare for this upcoming change. I decide in the first week to be a good house wife and make dinner for when my spouse came home at midnight. I choose quesadillas. I burned one, then two, and then on and on...Hank walked in the middle of the burning. I don't know how it was his fault, but it was. As I yelled and cried. Hank picked me up and carried me to bed. He tucked me in and will never let me live down that rush of hormones for the rest of my life.
I guess if we survived that then we have more to come and more memories to make!
P.S. I really do love The Hubie despite these events!
I am a pearl girl true and true but I do love sparkle sometimes.
My mother, a large diamond and lots of pearls girl, gave me a baby strand of pearls for each of my girls on their 1st birthdays.
I never think to put them on them before special events. I try to put those miniature sets on my self. I honestly rarely acknowledge jewelry's existence.
Last Saturday as I got dressed to attend a baby shower,
I placed my pearls around by neck with Elliott watching intently.
She then handed me a set and asked if she could wear them.
I told her yes because they were hers and gentle placed them
around her sweet (still baby fatted) neck.
Wear them she did until we took them off last night while she
was pitching a fit after church. I told her that she could wear them whenever she wanted if she would JUST CALM DOWN!
I thought she will never remember this necklace.
Wrong! This a.m. she had me the strand and said in her
most manipulative voice with eyelashes batting....
Well, I have been a witch lately if you know what I mean?
This week has been a totally yell fest for me. I feel a little anxious and the loser of
this situation has been my Lucy Goosey.
How did it start you ask?
On Monday, I made hamburger steak with mashed potatoes and gravy and a salad
side. Lucy ate maybe two bites after moving her fork along the plate
(don't know where she learned that from)
The Hubie and I instructed her to eat 1 more bite of every item on her plate.
She ate one small bite of meat, an egg out of the salad, but no potatoes.
Without saying a word, I feed her a bite without gravy as I cleaned the table and her plate.
THE DRAMA STARTED!
She expanded her cheeks out in total balloon fashions and with cliched teeth
informed me that she was too grossed out to swallow.
I, the firm parent, yelled, "swallow it Lucy"
Then she made herself throw up all over my kitchen.
I LOST IT!!
(to say the least)
I screamed how I was not going to put up with this "crap", banned fast food (except on Thursday when we have company), and abolished all after school snacks ("even if your starving").
I WENT CRAZY!
I banned Lucy from television for about 15 minutes which felt like years...
(you know what I mean if you know Lucy.)
How did this angel become this way...
(I might have had something to do with it.)
My tension exploded on all my children this week...
Knowing is have the battle right.
I hope to be a kinder more patient mom through the end of this
Really, I embraced it at about 16 after years of fight'in the
urge and married The Hubie, who lets face it, made it a art form.
Although, I love this art I do know the time and the place to use it
(not that I always follow the rules)
In fact, The Hubie accuses me often of scaring my fellow girl folk with my dirty mouth.
Yesterday, I started telling a story that dropped the biggest of big words the
I lived a breathed that word on the big hump day and found many uses for it.
Sorry if I offended the masses with my terminology and F off... Ha, Ha
I might have been inspired to blantantly use the word by the watching of one of my favorite
movies........
(weird choice for childhood classic but that is me)
If you have never seen or not seen it in a long time, you should watch it when the kids (if you have any aren't lurking around).
This is my list for the 15 best lines out of a hundred good ones.
15. Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.
14. They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.
13. This isn't some spoke in my menstral cycle.
12.The note'll give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
11. You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year.
10.Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.
9. What is your damage, Heather?
8. Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.
7.Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
6. If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.
5. Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that funeral.
4.. I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads
3. Now I've seen a lot of bullshit. Angel dust. Switchblades. Sexually perverse photography exibits involving tennis rackets. But this suicide thing...
2. My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
Wait for it... Wait for it
1. Well, fuck me gentle with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?
My children remain young and somewhat innocent, and I cannot foresee my feelings in the future regarding aging.
However, I often preach about my stresses and problems in relation to Breathalyzers before dances and other parent invasions of the teenage dream.
Don't get me wrong; my kids punishment for drinking and driving and puking on my floor will be extensive.
The "lets stay at the Pantin's; their parents are always asleep" won't happen with Hank tipsy on the couch!
I do want want with all my heart for my children to be successful teenagers someday. And by that I mean, I long for them to face life's questions and struggles of peer pressure with as much grace as possible. I want them to gain confidence and memories that will last them a life time.
I say all this because Gram's new favorite song is Kings of Leon "Back Down South". I watched the video with him and traveled back to the reason I love the MS Delta so much.
Greenwood does not offer a movie theater, but it provides more life, spirit, and freedoms of flat open land that others are hard pressed to beat.
I hope I can display the good nature required to teach my children the lessons of a safe and moral life and love them intensely through those fun times they F it all up!
What do you think about this video? Does it feel as personal for you as it did for me?
This song is one of Gram's friends (who is not near as cool) favorite song. It also inspires some of those same time travel feelings for me!
As I have shared openly recently, I struggle to blog in the present. I lack interest in my own voice (and have had a broken computer at work). Anyone who has ever met me knows that I intensely dislike change and change is overwhelming recently. Kids grow up, summer ends, school starts, weight gains, and money wains. Most devastating, however, is my best friends (sans my spouse) are moving and their lives are dramatically altering. Excited for them, yes I am. But, I am also heart broken and lost in the face of this change. I noticed myself start to slip into the comfort of books and other distractions of reality. I want to kiss my kids each day and make my love and time evident. I however often forget to show love to my spouse and children by being emotionally present. Do y'all feel absent at times?
Have I made you feel miserable yet with my Debbie Downering?
Remember the positive, right! My coworker and office mate Laura Merrill is back.... woo, hoo, hoo!
And this recent video, OK Go is known for creative videos and this is no exception. Live they were not my favorite. It might have been the distraction of The Hubie past out on a beach at 11 am or the hangover I was feeling but needless to say I will not be buying a ticket for them in the future.
They are best on youtube!
Fun huh?
I also heard about this video this morning. I really like LCD Sound system, but more I enjoy when people are smart and cute. This video redo is worth checking out!
Feeling Better already.
Goal:
I plan to write a blog each weekday to also help this feeling. I am comforted by the good
company I share in my blogging slump.
It truly seems that not blogging is the trend the last two weeks.
Friday, July 22, 2011
The sounds of school buses and morning whines fast approach the Pantin house. Yesterday, I paused to remember the good times by snapping some camera shots of my girls.
Yes, Lucy fashion sence lead to a Barbie cheer costume and Hello Kitty jewelry...God Bless her.
As for clips, last week a posted a Cults song that I love.
This week the band released a video which I find to be very smart.
