Meditation and Ash Wenesday

Yesterday, I woke up a four in the AM. Mostly because I partook in a few glasses of wine on Fat Tuesday and early rising is my punishment for tipsiness. With this time alone, I made the best of it by reading my meditation for the day.

Todays meditation focused on the attitude related to giving. It discusses the risks of committing yourself to faith and dangers of just being an observer. I was also encouraged to form a contract with myself regarding my plans to observe lent.

• I am to abstan from chips (of all types) for the next 40 days.
• I am to fast completely with no food and only beverages for ash wenesday.
• I plan to take my children despite the stress of Elliott to one mass per week until Easter.
• I will read my meditation daily and will start to process lessions taught.
• I will not be so forgetful and lazy about praying nightly with my children and will start to be as proactive as I was in the past.
• I will attempt to pray first and not yell first when I want to KILL my Kids.

So after I documented my plan I was off. The devotional encourages that one not be boastful about fast and not be miserable either. I took this as motivation to get dressed nicely to put on make-up and propel the day forward. I refused the offers for ranch dressing and crackers and bits of peoples this and that all day at work without telling a sole my plan. Very snicky I am.

All was well, then I realized that my patience level was down and my children's smacking at dinner was like a sick hypnotic seen in a bad after school special. I could hear a voice screaming "you can just have one bite". I fought the voice and remained strong. Visions of bisket in the morning swirled in my head.

Elliott was a friggin nightmare at mass. Yes, oh yes, that was my kid screaming like a banchie. I love her and strangle her at the same time. "JUST ACT RIGHT, THIS ONE TIME". No, that will never happen this child is her own being. She is OUT OF CONTROL. After mass I wanted to comfort my pain with a cheeseburger, but I remained firm. The yelling goal, however was not successful. I can say that the diet coke helped me from going nuts (thank you my man). Turns out I do get hungry. My stomach was loud and the hurt was not comfortable, but I was on a mission not to Nible!

SUCCESS!!!

I did it. About two o'clock in the morning I ate some cucumber dipped in ranch dressing and rewarded myself with a bacon bisket this morning (It was worth it, totally). I look forward to my journey and I am committed to completing this plan!

Yay for Me!

"Lord, the trumpet has sounded, and I want to respond. Help me to rend my heart this Lent, So that it can be filled anew with your love and your spirit"

Outfit on 030911

This outfit is a Lucy orginial. She has gone with a purple themed design to include a baby purple bow. If you check it out her shoes are like a size to small. She feels that fit her too a tee that that her toes "told me that it will be ok if they hurt". Crazy Much!

Yell It Out Tuesday

When it rains it pours. Each one of my children broke down last night in a total mind numbing fit. I contemplated beating every last one of them but opted against child abuse. Instead I practiced talking calmly to them allowing them to regain their composure before I punished them. The method delayed my evening relax time but was eventually successful. I think it is a keeper.

Shrimp and Grits

To celebrate the holiday, Hank made shrimp and grits with mounds of butter and cream.

I choose to nearly eat my weight in chips (Doritos to be exact).

I Hate This Outfit! 030811

Lucy's Outfit on Fat Tuesday

I dressed her and "made" her wear a New Orleans Vintage Tee.

She hated it. When I picked her up, she stated proudly first thing, "no one dressed for you maddie day". I declared back, "you don't like being like everyone else, so Great". She followed by lead. One win for Mom.

I Really Suck!

This blogging is really hard for me. I struggle to get going in the morning much less report on it but I am tring to be a better human so bear with me please. I have not taken pictures of Lucy much lately. I think that I just want to forget some of her recent esembles. I did record her outfit last friday which was fancy day. She was very proud.

I find that I may not be able to report my weight. I really struggle to be accountable. I weighed 105.6 last time I weighed this weekend which caused me to freakout. I guess I am better off not knowing or am I?

My spirtual journey encouraged me to identify a way to sacriface during lent. I am going to give up chips which means big old chip party today. I really look forward to fighting temptation. I hope that I can continued to read my devotional daily and find inhanced insight (God Willing). I took the kids to mass but did not gain a bit of inlightenment because my youngest and most precious was wondering to neighboring pews and hanging out with random strangers (to her at least). Problem is that I thought is so cute and funny that they should laugh and enjoy her antics. I was advised to maybe use the quiet room! Maybe next Sunday.

Many A Project!

I want to offer several new directions and projects in the blog.

1. My daughter Lucy has started to insist that she pick out all her own outfits. Today she wore a pair of faded black skinny jeans with a black and cream striped tee tucked in. She topped the ensemble off with a cream cardie with pearl buttons and a oversize hair bow off to the side. She then looked at me and stated, "I wish I wore glasses; I need them with is outfit". She then put on some glittery sunglasses and some mauve lip gloss and stated "this will do". Based on this experience, I was advised to document her journey through fashion in pictures as often as I can.
2. I am trying to instill the faith and religion in my children, which is a fairly foreign concept in my life. I am attending Sunday school weekly (which is on Wednesday) and plan to confirm to our church this Easter. I picked up two daily devotionals at class yesterday that assist one in better self exploration through lent. I will document my first experience with daily meditation. YEA!
3. I have an eating disorder and have had one since I was 9 years old. As my oldest and most precious starts to approach that age I want to proactively identify my problem. I have body dysmorphic disorder (really it is crazy) that had lead to both bulimic and anorexic behaviors in my youth along with some aggressive internal self bulling. I often lie about my weight and at times struggle to get dressed or shower due to the fear of facing my body. I am better than I have been in years. But I continue to allow the number on the scale or my percieved number to control my day and my friends and families interaction with me. My view of myself is so loud in my brain that I often can not hear others and/or talk about anything else. That action has got to stop! In order to address this behavior I am going to report my weight (WI- weigh in), my view of my self as a person (PJ- personal journey), and my score in mothering (MT- mother time) at the bottom of most of my post. I engage and encourage feedback related to my post and this battle. Honesty is the best policy and is going to be my first step at inhancing the quality of my own life.

I my hopes these three angles will provide my blog more purpose and truly help me to open up and honor the name by allowing this blog to be a mother's little helper.

WI- 104 (higher than I like/ scrubs as a result)

PJ- 7 (pretty proud of my honesty today but forgot to bring my friend to work)

MT- 9 (I got bows in hair all teeth brushed and everyone got to school on time with no yelling and allowed Lucy to be herself which is not easy for me!)

Naked Baby Jam

Our friend Scott told us to check this out several months ago. Elliott, my almost 2 year old, loved it from the start. Last night Hank took her to watch the laughing baby that is sweeping the web. Elliott was not interested in the baby, and she begged Hank to play this video. I recorded the family's response which is the second and third video. This song makes me happy because my family is home to me. I hope you love the naked baby jam session as much as I did!




HERE ARE THE KIDS ROCKING OUT TO THE ABOVE MENTIONED VIDEO.
WORK IT GIRL; WORK IT! (NOTICE THE BREAK DANCE MOVES AND THE INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING.... I SEE A ROCK AND ROLL FUTURE)