Meditation and Ash Wenesday

Yesterday, I woke up a four in the AM. Mostly because I partook in a few glasses of wine on Fat Tuesday and early rising is my punishment for tipsiness. With this time alone, I made the best of it by reading my meditation for the day.

Todays meditation focused on the attitude related to giving. It discusses the risks of committing yourself to faith and dangers of just being an observer. I was also encouraged to form a contract with myself regarding my plans to observe lent.

• I am to abstan from chips (of all types) for the next 40 days.
• I am to fast completely with no food and only beverages for ash wenesday.
• I plan to take my children despite the stress of Elliott to one mass per week until Easter.
• I will read my meditation daily and will start to process lessions taught.
• I will not be so forgetful and lazy about praying nightly with my children and will start to be as proactive as I was in the past.
• I will attempt to pray first and not yell first when I want to KILL my Kids.

So after I documented my plan I was off. The devotional encourages that one not be boastful about fast and not be miserable either. I took this as motivation to get dressed nicely to put on make-up and propel the day forward. I refused the offers for ranch dressing and crackers and bits of peoples this and that all day at work without telling a sole my plan. Very snicky I am.

All was well, then I realized that my patience level was down and my children's smacking at dinner was like a sick hypnotic seen in a bad after school special. I could hear a voice screaming "you can just have one bite". I fought the voice and remained strong. Visions of bisket in the morning swirled in my head.

Elliott was a friggin nightmare at mass. Yes, oh yes, that was my kid screaming like a banchie. I love her and strangle her at the same time. "JUST ACT RIGHT, THIS ONE TIME". No, that will never happen this child is her own being. She is OUT OF CONTROL. After mass I wanted to comfort my pain with a cheeseburger, but I remained firm. The yelling goal, however was not successful. I can say that the diet coke helped me from going nuts (thank you my man). Turns out I do get hungry. My stomach was loud and the hurt was not comfortable, but I was on a mission not to Nible!

SUCCESS!!!

I did it. About two o'clock in the morning I ate some cucumber dipped in ranch dressing and rewarded myself with a bacon bisket this morning (It was worth it, totally). I look forward to my journey and I am committed to completing this plan!

Yay for Me!

"Lord, the trumpet has sounded, and I want to respond. Help me to rend my heart this Lent, So that it can be filled anew with your love and your spirit"